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goodbye 2006 [17 Dec 2006|09:08pm]

best friend(s): mmm same as last year, and my whorez =]]]
lost any friends: yepperz
gained any friends: yesssss alot

went out of the country: noperz
moved: nope
new school: yep
how many times on an airplane: zip

have you changed: i think so
new look: not really, my hairs grown alot
most depressed time this year: the suicide scandal, the fbf thing, and theres more but i forget
best time this year: this summer on fbf. the old fbf. the amazing fbf.

did you fall in love: yes
did you get heartbroken: yes
who was your summer love: bre

favorite Season: winter
least favorite season: spring
good birthday: not really haha today was kinda boring
any snow this year: no. and im rather pissed about it
highest temperature: umm it was like 105, something like that or over

kept your resolution: i dont even freaking remember them
got arrested: hahah no
got bad grades: of course
kept a secret: duhz
told a secret: yepperz
done something you totally regret: hahah alot
In 2006 I...

[X] broke a promise
[X] made a new best friend
[x] fallen in love
[x] fallen out of love
[x] lied
[x] went behind your parents back
[x] cried over a broken heart
[x]disappointed someone close
[x] hid a secret
[x] pretended to be happy
[x] kissed in the rain
[x]slept under the stars
[] kept your new years resolution
[x] forgot your new years resolution
[x] met someone who changed my life
[] met one of your idols
[x] changed your outlook on life
[x] sat home all day doing nothing
[x] pretended to be sick
[] left the country
[x] almost died
[x] given up something important to you
[x] lost something expensive
[x] learned something new about yourself
[x] tried something you normally wouldnt try and liked it
[x] made a change in your life
[x] found out who your true friends were
[x] met great people
[x] stayed up till sunrise
[x] pigged out over the summer
[x] cried over the silliest thing
[x] was never home on weekends
[x] got into a car accident
[x] had friends who were drifting away from me
[ ] had someone close to me die
[x] had a high cell phone bill
[x] wasted most of my money on food
[x] had a fist fight
[x] went to the beach
[] saw a celebrity
[x] gotten sick
[] liked more than 5 people at the same time
[x] became closer to a lot of people
1 comment|post comment

(H@+sP33K !Z (007!0Z 7@W7Z [04 Dec 2006|06:16pm]
[ mood | busy ]


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Gorgeous, I know.
The shirt, btw, not me.

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Yeah.. [04 Dec 2006|06:08pm]
[ mood | cold ]

I'm kinda back.
I've pretty much neglected my poor lj.
But I'm back now, don't worry.
Phouc has no more apples, me and Vannah sing songs via AIM, me and Staceface are crazy, my Patrick 2.0 mint polo arrived Friday [expect pics right after this entry], I'm failing French, Spencer Smith, text messages are love, my baby cousin's parents are seperating =[, Chamillionare is dead y/n?
That's my life in short hand right now.
I bought this minty green pearl necklace thing from Claires for when my shirt gets here and I forgot it today. BUT I didn't forget my belt. And since my shirt is a size or so big, I tucked in one side. Like right over my belt buckle. Showing off how I buckle my belt on my side obv.



My friends are all dorks, but I love them.


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Ads. [10 Nov 2006|05:14pm]
[ mood | blah ]

I upgraded to Plus.
I wanted voice posts.
Cause it looked cool.
&& More userpics.
Forgive me please.

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cast aside. [08 Nov 2006|06:25pm]
im so sick of him
getting rewarded.
im tired of being outdone
by a 10 year old.
its making me sick.
so he got all a's.
i got honor roll.
big fucking deal.
but noo.
he gets a treat
i get the same thing i always get,
cast aside.
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Treckett Icons [19 Oct 2006|09:47pm]
[ mood | blah ]

Just the same icon with a thousand colorizations. One for everyone's fave color, though!

2 comments|post comment

Runaway by Cartel. [19 Oct 2006|08:14pm]
Face down; this is where it leads you - too far.
Buried covered now, you'll find peace - in the earth aground.
Stop now, there's no point in breathing - it's not allowed.
On the surface, how can you find - reason to move on?

Until then you can runaway.
Do your best to hide your face.
And oh I know you best;
I know you get what you get
you get what you deserve.

Hush now, don't say a word - it's out in the open,
And tell me how can you deal with all this wait?
Speak now, you must have a secret kept down,
Down where you can keep it - I need you to spill your guts.

Until then you can runaway,
Do your best to hide your face.
And oh I know you best.
I know you get what you get
Until then you can runaway.
Do your best to hide your face.
And oh I know you best.
I know you get what you get
you get what you deserve.

Speak now you must have a secret kept down,
Down where you can keep it - I need you to spill your guts.

Until then you can runaway,
Do your best to hide your face.
And oh I know you best.
I know you get what you get
Until then you can runaway.
Do your best to hide your face.
And oh I know you best,
I know you get what you get
and all you get what you,
You get what you get,
you get what you,
You get what you get,
and all you get what you deserve.
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scary feeling- poem [19 Oct 2006|08:11pm]
silly me.
i'm not hyperventilating.
i'm having a panic attack.
racing heart
shortness of breath
trembling hands
shaking legs
it's a panic attack alright.
what a scary feeling.
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2 Short poem things [19 Oct 2006|07:58pm]
can't eat
can't sleep
can't breathe
can't think.
it's not love.
its hell.
behind the makeup
behind the clothes
behind the hair
is a sign that says
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Breathing- Poem [19 Oct 2006|07:57pm]
in. out.
i've never really known
how it feels to have your breath
not there.
not knocked from you.
but not there.
i can't breathe.
but its nobody's fault.
except mine.
i brought this on myself.
what a funny word.
now i know what it means.
in. out.
stop chattering.
stop shaking.
stop freezing.
start working.
slow down.
in. out.
i wish i could breathe again.
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Isolation- Poem- RHYMES YO [19 Oct 2006|07:54pm]
back into my shell
i'm not coming out.
don't bother me now.
don't scream and shout.
i'm here for good,
i don't need outside.
i told you i loved you
guess what, i lied.
i could care less
about me, about you.
get away from me
theres nothing you can do.
i've given up
i'm cutting all ties
stop saying you love me
i know its all lies.
just leave me alone
i don't want you here
i want to be alone,
my friend, can't you hear?
stop calling me all the time
and stop the emails too.
maybe i can scare you away
fine stand there
i can ignore you just fine.
the season's are changing,
you smell the pine?
why are you still here?
i'm fine on my own.
you're not a true friend
you would've left me alone.
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Repeating?- Poem [19 Oct 2006|07:53pm]
i'm so sick.
sick of the drama.
but you won't listen.
not anymore.
all you can think of
is throwing her
throwing her over the fence.
you've lost it.
wait, this sounds...
very familiar.
'forget it'?
'its not a big thing'?
did this happen
all over again?
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Moving-Poem [19 Oct 2006|07:52pm]
i can't see
its all blurry
from the tears.
i can't point fingers
not anymore.
this one's on me.
i've ruined friendships.
not just mine,
but everyone else's.
its all over.
one simple mistake
changed everything forever.
i think i'm going to be sick.

maybe we SHOULD move.
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i want to forget it ever happened. [10 Oct 2006|12:31am]
[ mood | groggy ]

everything has already fallen apart
so what else can go wrong?
alot more.
those few things that are supposed
to be permanent are slowly fading away.
there are certain people who should ALWAYS
be there.
but not even that is true anymore.
and promises are being broken.
relationships are being uprooted.
and everything is going wrong.

how do i keep it a secret?
keep it away from everyone
and only discuss it in private.
how do i ignore whats obviously
in front of my face?
and how do i try to act like it
will all just be okay and
none of it matters?

i can't.
its that simple.

and for my stupid stalker who likes to make shit up that they can't back, this isn't about fbf.
get the fuck over yourself.
and grow up.

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i dont care what you think anymore [08 Oct 2006|07:56pm]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

she's always been
'the weird girl'
that one that sits next to you in history
and never talks
but she sits alone at lunch
and you feel bad for her
and you sit near her and
she kinda merges with your group
even though its obvious she doesnt belong.
she checks her phone for texts after class
even though she has no friends to text her
and she doesn't BELONG anywhere.

so she finds somewhere with people
who don't 'know' her
and they don't know what she looks like
or her real name
or how fucking annoying and shitty she is
they just know that she's there
and they know her name
and her musical tastes
and what she wants them to know.

so shes happy
for a little while.
she thinks shes okay there
and that she's finally found somewhere
where she at least sorta fits in.
but what happens when that isn't even true?
when she doesnt fit in like she thought
and instead of being accepted,
shes secretly being rejected

but thats just the start
because soon everyone she thought
was sorta her friend
started showing how they really felt
and then she was alone.


35 comments|post comment

homosexuality and religion [04 Sep 2006|07:00pm]
its kinda long so click the cut

4 comments|post comment

petah and patrick [26 Aug 2006|10:25pm]
oh yes, my mom let me name two kittens

Petah and Patrick. its a girl and a boy, petah is the girl, patricks the boy.

i'm so thrilled. cause its like awsome.
1 comment|post comment

school aka hell [25 Aug 2006|06:45pm]
ok. lets start with this morning. my dad is so lazy, he hits the snooze and goes back to sleep. if it wasnt for me forseeing it and setting my phone to go off, i would've missed school.

now i'm going to the bus stop, chillen, and then i turn around and the bus was at my HOUSE. in 5 years, its never stopped at my house. and its not the same bus number or driver. but i got on and alot of people from my old bus were there. AND THERE WAS PRACTICALLY NO ONE THERE.

then we go to school and have to go to the gym and so im standing there waiting for anyone i know. so finally this one girl comes that i sorta know and we are like CLINGING TO EACH OTHER FOR DEAR LIFE. anyway eventually the dorky circle i call my friends shows up and i follow lauren to my homeroom cause shes like down the hall from me.

homeroom is nothing new. a ton of people that dont like me. alphabetical, i've had the same homeroom for like 3 years.

then we go to 1st period. i now have a map and extra schedule. so i make it to first on time. and realize that the only person i have that i know is the same girl from the gym. so i'm going to be like bffs with that girl cause if not im alone. so yeah.

second. HONORS HISTORY. i couldnt find the stairs. so i follow joseph who leads me ACROSS THE SCHOOl and down the wrong stairs. i finally get there and we get these big ass books. bleck. but thankfully, taina and savannah are in that class with meeeee. my bffs fo realz. but alot of people didnt go the first day so idk who im gonna be in class with cause they're moving alot of people too.

third. algebra. absoluetly NONE of my friends/potential friends. alot of people that hate me though. OOO and this girl named britney who used to be real preppy who went GOTH. and had this hawt him shirt, but anyway, at the end of class we started talking and stuff. so thats like my only friend. and then we go to lunch.

LUNCH. we dont go together as a class. the lunch bell rings and we just go. so im lost and looking for ANYONE i know and finally, i see salvador. who is also alone. so we get together and are like stuck together like glue. and we stay together all through lunch. i love that kid. and then we get up and i realize i didnt turn in my forms and i have no money to pay for lunch. and salvador didnt have enough to get me a lunch. so i ended up eating taina and salvadors fries for lunch. which were cold. and then going back i got lost again. and i see my ex-crush. who is like the it thing now. i liked him when he was a nerd. but i see him and we start talking. and he takes me to my class. i miss the old him. i see it sometimes, like when we're alone. but normally, hes preppy and popular. it makes me sad. cause he was really really awsome. i loved his dorky singing and how he'd let me wear his hoodie and how he'd whine and complain until i gave in to whatever he wanted. and how he'd paint my right nails. awwwwwz i loves the old him.

back to class. and its last class, aka 4th. and french. we have assigned seats. and im inbetween this girl i dont get along with and this weird guy. and in the middle i have to leave cause i dont know my bus number. and i miss pronouciation. so i come back and end up confused. and yeah.

then schools over. and idk where the hell im going. so i see alex (poor boy, i was asking him questions all day) and i go 'alexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx i dont know where im going, help me.' and he goes hahahaha freshman. so i poked him. and then he leads me outside and points to go that way. i trust him enough to believe hes not misleading me. so im on my way and robert comes up and goes hey, can i use your phone? this kid met me like THIS MORNING and stops to use MY phone. hes a prep. use another preps phone. but anyway, by the time i get out to the buses, i realize the number had rubbed off my hand. so im trying to do this shizzz by memory. and then i remember i wrote it on my notebook. and i come to find out they gave me the wrong bus number.

i finally make it to the bus and see talishaaa who is sad cause she has no classes with her bf. and we whine to each other about how its not fair that our bfs arent in our classes. then we go to the middle school and get the little kids lol. but my old math teacher starts talking to me. and then he goes back over and talks to my history teacher from last year and im scared he'd tell him to come talk to me. cause i know hes a bitch like that. but we started leaving. and then its like whoa cause my 6th grade math teacher is gone. and i miss him so much cause he was the shit. fo realz.

and i get home an hour and 15 minutes after i was realeased from 4th block.

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giving up [09 Aug 2006|08:33pm]
everyone says that you should never give up. hold on to what you have and never let go.

but what if you need to give up? to just give up and let life say 'i win' and then start a new game until there is something worth holding on to.

this probably made no sense to you but i dont care.
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im so sick with where i live [09 Aug 2006|08:23pm]
im sick of everything. i want everything to go away for like a year. so then when everything comes back it'll be a bunch of 'aww i missed you' but my mother would still scream at me for something within 30 minutes of seeing me. shes just that way.

and the rest of the world would be like 'go away againnnnnnnn'
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